What is a Toxic Person? The 3 things that make someone “toxic”

In the course of my time as a clinical counsellor, I have come across many who have shared about some kind of toxicity in their lives. Mostly, this revolves around a venomous person and a poisonous relationship that clients have been involved in. Now, let me first be clear of the difference between venomous and poisonous.

Fun fact, venomous describes an organism that is capable of injecting toxins into something, whilst poisonous simply means a harmful substance that is within something already. So, for example, a snake would be venomous, but the colourful Poison Dart Frog is, as the name implies, poisonous.

What am I saying here? A relationship with a toxic person often has the makings of a venomous individual harming another. The relationship in itself is poisoned by this as a result. That is why there is both poison and venom when it comes to Toxic People. It is a package deal, because of the relationship that has to be formed when toxic people encounter others.

To this, here are three things to look out for in Toxic People:

1) Toxic People do not apologise.

People make mistakes. Apparently, Toxic People do not. Whether it be negligence, denial, or utter ignorance, a toxic individual will refuse to admit their faults. If by some miracle they do confess to their wrongdoings, they tend to apply the exact same strategies to make sure that an apology will be the most insincere thing you will hear from them at that precise moment. Needless to say, they have mastery in creating disbelief.

2) Toxic People think you are the problem.

Mistakes aside, this is a matter of personal responsibility. A toxic person blames you for things consistently. Just about everything, every conflict is your fault. Either that, or it was mostly your fault anyways. The projection of blame is almost like a cop-out for them, and you become the scapegoat in the process. Again, little to no personal responsibility here.

3) Toxic People put themselves first.

“Self-centered” and “selfish” are common words associated with Toxic People. In efforts to protect themselves, they strike out on the offence. They only withdraw defensively when you have finally found a point that they can no longer argue against. However, even then, you are still in the wrong and it is them who becomes the victim.

All three points are interrelated here. The tactics of Toxic People have become very well-known to a lot of us. I cannot tell you the number of times I have heard the word “Narcissist” in a session, and this is what I believe people are describing to me. Of course, these three things are merely a glimpse into what Toxic People are like. Yet, perhaps this can help you understand a little more now.

If you have been impacted by Toxic People, or want to know more about them, feel free to contact us or book a session online. We look forward to serving and supporting you.