“You’re the problem” - 3 things to do when you think you’re dysfunctional

The title speaks for itself, but there often is no simple way to say it. What happens when we’re told by someone that we are what is wrong with the relationship? What does that even mean in the first place? Hear me out here.

Not many people I know can carelessly accuse someone of being dysfunctional without some reason in general, and that is what I am getting at. The is a reaction for every action and a reason for every intention. Yet, what do we do about that? Here are 3 things to do when you think you’re dysfunctional:

1) Reflect on it

Try to take a step back and look into what happened that resulted in this being said. Think about the factors involved with as much logic as possible. This is not wasting your time in any way, and actively reflecting on this actually saves you time from dwelling on it. It prevents overthinking and becoming overwhelmed as a result.

2) Call out responsibility

Determine who was responsible for what was said or done. Where were you involved in this? How was the other party involved in what transpired? It takes two hands to clap, and this common phrase makes complete sense here. Taking personal responsibility and knowing how much of that is yours will serve to provide some comfort, it will reduce some of that pressure you have.

3) Get some feedback

Talk to trusted people in your circle. Look for those uninvolved and without conflict of interest to speak to about this. This can be in the form of a friend, partner, or even a counsellor. We need the most unbiased opinion we can find to truly gain some understanding of things, and what can be done about them.

Processing such a heavy statement made by someone in your life can be tough. However, you do not have to do it alone. We must be willing to make changes with ourselves and others so that we can live better lives. The freedom you have deserves to be experienced. Take back control and seek it, one step at a time.

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